get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
