i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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