Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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