Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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