Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
