I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
