He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
is it fun? or sober?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
