it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
