She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
