listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
