haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
