i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
