Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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