Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
