Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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