just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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