You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Less talking, more tequila
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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