She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My balls are so social today.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
