I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
