how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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