i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
