He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
