Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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