I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
