u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
