I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My day in three words: secret purse cake
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
