I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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