They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
