You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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