Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
