It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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