the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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