He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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