this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize