I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
