I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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