It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The uberlube is also flammable
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You left your phone here
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