I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
