He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you would pick up someone in the library
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
