He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
