I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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