I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
