sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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