you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
