We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
