all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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