currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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