The maid of honor just puked.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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