it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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