Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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