I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
