when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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