She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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