yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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