Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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