Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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