my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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