so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
