I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i out mim tonsoeep
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize