You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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