My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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