well I can't set my house on fire every night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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