You just made me feel so damn special
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
