He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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