I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
