Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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