I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
