I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
