Someone shit on the floor
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
