Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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