he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
