Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
