party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
