They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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