I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
too bad you live with your parents still
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
