i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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