just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
