you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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