hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
