I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
