Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
